Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
