The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
