I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
