I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
