just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
