dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
