a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
