I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
even my farts smell like vagina
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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