How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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