You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize