I just made out with a guy for $7.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
