There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
