Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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