Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
