these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
