At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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