we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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