Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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