I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I need to align my fucking chakras
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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