This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You pole danced in your parka.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
