First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
