Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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