is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
