Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
