Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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