where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
