I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
