I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
