There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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