I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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