she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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