Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
