you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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