**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
