We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
