Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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