things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
