I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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