ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
