Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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