smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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