I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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