TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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