You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
