just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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