we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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