I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
