I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
