the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
