I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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