The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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