While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
