so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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